STOKED!

sometimes i just SUPER STOKED about Jesus. like right now. the kind of stoked that makes you want to sprint through the pouring rain. or fall to your knees. or stand with arms spread wide and belting to the sky. lets be fools for Jesus.

shouldnt it be like this all the time? not just sometimes?

the wonderful thing about it is that He is even MORE stoked than i am right now.

haha. He's my favorite.

loveyoubunchesbye!

One of Those Days.

so i started this blog at 10:30 this morning, and it is now 6:41.....(finished cookies, trecked up to berklee, and am now at school, at 8:40. this is a perfect display of my scattered brain. =])  nice. i got sidetracked... on many occasions. for one, i was watching my saturday morning cartoons. Ben10 Alien Force to be exact. =] quite possibly the sweetest cartoon ever. next to the classics of course. then i started writing. i picked up Jeb (yes, i have officially named him Jeb.) and just started having a conversation. Jeb was very much ok with just ridin' it out, really chill, letting the words to all the talking. im such a words person. i really dont think i could ever describe how much words mean to me. the pages of my journal and the ink of my pen are, besides Jesus, my two best friends. i think every person needs some sort of canvas to paint the picture of  your life. your heart. your creativity. your questions. your hurt. your joy. it is an incredible blessing to be able to write. it is for me. 

but what is your pen? what are you pages? 

in other news. i was compared to a duck today. and then a swan. he tried to save himself.... don't know if it worked or not. but im not really complaining. so if you see a petite brunette waddling down the street, probably with other little kids waddling behind, it's me.

loveyoubunchesbye! =]

The Trifecta.

Laundry at 1am.

An entirely too big bowl of Muddie Buddies.

The Maine.

Last day at home. officially. because its one in the morning. its been a great break. im pretty sure ive lost all sense of routine, so im pretty stoked to get back. ive been referring to Boston as home all week though. i love my family and my heart is always where they are, but when you find your niche, you find your niche. and Boston's mine. i did very much enjoy being with my amazing friends at PennState. we watched The Ringer--funny. 

laundry is insanely lame right now. i have a black and white check shirt. i would normally put it in with the whites, but i only had one load to do so i threw it in. little did i know the devil himself, dressed finely in red was lurking in my washer. i have pink everything. the denim has been saved however. but then to top it all off, i decided that it was time to put the muddie buddies away (because along with losing routine, my diet also decided to take a vacation) and then proceeded to spill half of the container onto the floor, making a stop on my jeans before hitting the ground. did i not just finish a load of laundry?? and powdered sugar is the worst to clean up.... so i ended up standing in my kitchen, laughing out loud and staring at my feet, holding the container in my hands. 

sometimes, i just love life.

loveyoubunchesbye!! =]

Capture My Heart Again.

I'm not gonna fight you anymore
Not gonna try to lock the door
You took your life and gave me yours
There's no reason why
I shouldn't trust you with mine

Brandon Heath.

refreshing. apparently a theme God wants me to hold onto for a little while. but this time, it's in an entirely new way. im home. =] sitting on my couch, coffee to my right as always, listening to The Message radio station blair through my television. I'm reading a book right now called Redeeming Love. the plot is pretty extreme, but i feel like i can really relate to the entire idea of the book. the husband never ceases to give up on his wife. he continues to go back and get her. she turns her back on him multiple times, and he pulls her in close. it's hard and hes really frustrated. but he does it. and he relies on God's strength to do so.

i feel like where im at in my life, God keeps having to come back to get me. on sunday, i had what i would call "a God day". He was painfully obvious at what He wanted me to hear. so why do i keep running? i know what i have to do, so it should be easy right? no. why isnt it? God keeps saving me from jumping off the cliff. i just need to turn around and walk the other direction. we are so tied to our own independence. a lesson from my one of my favorite books. how often do we show our Father, our Friend, our Savior, Redeemer, that we think we can do things on our own, that we don't need Him. even when in our own minds, it isnt like that, it's what our actions say. 

i'm so glad it's break. i realized coming home the lack of community i really do have in boston, and the toll its taking on my Spirit. again, it comes back to being tied much too tightly to my independence. so although this week is a time for refreshing, im now seeing it as a time of a time of surrender, and even more so, submission.

I love You, Jesus. 

Give Me Jesus.

To be quiet

To be still

I haven't fount it but i will

To be willing

To be real

To know what You ask

not what i feel

To be open

To be broken

To hear the words of Your Heart

Finally spoken.

--the vulnerable, battered, dirty and used pages of my journal.

it was rainy today. misty. refreshing. 

i cant even explain how much i enjoy days like these. it sticks out from the rest. my walk home from school, feeling quite pleased with myself for nailing my eartraining midterm, and ready to sit myself down in my desk chair with some cookies, coffee, and a whole lot of writing skills. 

it was somehow a wind down kind of day.

but what was best, was fully and totally deciding to give Jesus all of my attention today. what a blessing it is to simply just be with Jesus. those times where its instant. its not really explainable-just a complete peace and contentment in just being with Jesus-no searching, no asking, no wondering, no worrying, no talking. to just simply be.

Green Bananas.

Love is the river that flows through

Love is the arms that are holding you

Love is the place you will fly to

Love never fails you

Brandon Heath.

have you ever eaten a banana before it was ripe? worst thing ever. i mean,  a banana is a solid piece of fruit, amen? so why would we want to ruin it by eating it before its ripe? yet for some reason, we do it. all the time. we want that banana. it's in our minds and now we want nothing else but it. shouldnt we just wait for it to be ripe? or maybe, heaven forbid, that banana just isnt for our lips to taste. "No! Blasphemy! It has to be!" and we cling tightly to the green banana, peel it even though it puts up a very respectful fight, and eat it. 

ewe! its sour, and bitter, and just gross. not what we pictured at all. so why do we always eat it?

well. recently i had a pretty unique experience. i saw a green banana, peeled it, ate it, and it tasted like a ripe banana........ !?!?!?! i know right? insane in the membrane. but i could still see that it was green. it wasnt ripe, even though it tasted like it was. it makes putting that banana down and walking away that much harder. i felt like God was watching me and just laughing and my complex. like He was standing right next to me, just watching my face twist up with a thousand different emotions. i was probably making ridiculously attractive facial expressions........but He was so exited when i put it back down! and once i started to realize what i had done, how i had succumbed to the lovely fruit from the forbidden tree, i could do nothing but look at Him, and He so very willingly just opens His arms and smiles, and calls me to Him. 

no matter what i do, He always takes  me back. i cant wrap my mind around it. to have that much Grace. Patience. Love. it never fails.

also, just for clarification, the whole banana deal is a metaphor. im actually VERY positive that its completely impossible t0 have a real green banana taste good. they're impossible to peel. greatgreat. 

loveyoubunchesbye!=]

I've decided that im a chameleon.

so i got a new guitar. 

AND ITS AWESOME.

=] ive yet to name it, and im wondering if it needs a name.... guitars always end up with girl names, but a girl naming it a girl doesn't sit well with me. im really into the name carter, but for a guitar? not so sure. anyways, just wanted to share my enthusiasm. =]

midterms came so incredibly fast. they're next week! i can hardly believe it. but that just means less days until i am home to see all of my fantabulous pennstaters, whom i miss incredibly. it'll be nice to have nothing to do but play and write and chill for a week too. until then, ive decided to kick into high gear so i can ace all of my exams. 

anyways, concerning my chameleon comment- ive been trying to classify myself. a genre. it's not really doable. lately ive been really into folk...... myspace.com/thefamilytree......been listening to the same two songs for like an hour. but my life and personality is sort of like a potluck, im a little bit of everything. in the way i dress, the things i like, the way i sing, the music i like. so ive decided that a new category is in order. what should we name it?

i'll think about it, and get back to you.

loveyoubunchesbye! =]