What kind of Love Saves.

I've been known to walk away.

I've been known to scrape my knees.

I've been known to try and stand

instead of beggin, please.

I've been known to fall in love.

I've been known for breaking hearts.

I've been known for much regret

I've been known to fall apart.

I've been known to lose the words

I've been known to lose the time

I've been known to hold too tight

to the heart I thought was mine.

I've been known for wanting more

I've been known for running fast

I've been known for letting go

I've been known for coming back

I've been known to find the quiet

I've been known feel His grace

I've been known to find a love

to find a Love that Saves.

High School.

High school and my high school friends have really been on my heart today. I'm not sure why, but i've been taking it and just praying for them. It's sort of strange, well, a lot strange, because i sort of hated high school. I couldn't wait to get out-people were great, class wasn't hard, but i was just over it before it started ha. At any rate, i've been thinking about it, and Penn State, and just the whole life i could have had. And then i think about what the Lord has done in my life over the past two years. It's pretty unreal, how much and how quickly, He has taken what ever simple prayer of guidance and surrender i had, and turned into something real. I was thinking, i really, reeeally like being the girl who comes home from music school. But not even that anymore, i actualy have songs to play, music ive written- I'm finally doing what i was made for. I'm writing a new song, and it starts like this -I've always been a dreamer, 5 foot 2 believer. And honestly, it couldnt be more honest. its sort of a fun cheesy lyric, but its true! i've always been an out-of-boxer, a star shooter, a dreamer. but i ignored it for so long, becuase i didnt think it was right.

who trys to be a musican?

do you know how slim that is?

youre not living in the real world.

be practical.

you arent actually that good.

you wont make it.

do you want to make money?

you must just be selfish.

its a silly dream.

from the probably the age of 10 until my freshman year of college, this was a never ending battle in my mind. (when i say things like that the fact that i am still so young makes me cringe a little. sort of like an odd way of humbling myself-ha) the thing i thought aboust most was that it was just a silly dream, and it wasnt practical. i felt insecure because i thought it was a self seeking desire. but we know, through a lot of pulling and pushing, God showed me otherwise.

My point is, dreamers are necessary. DREAMS are necessary. For every human being God ever breathed life into, there is something that gets their hearts exited. Something that afterward, the feel as if they've lived that day right. For some people its like knowing their whole life that they wanted to marry early, and have kids, and that was the desire of their heart. for others, they knew early on that they wanted to help people. for some people, they've had a dream of owning one of the biggest companies in America. For me, a big dreamer, ive known that all i ever wanted to do was make music. I'm smiling at myself as i type this. I honestly can't explain how deep this desire runs through me. I remember taking tests in high school, looking at the paper, maybe knowing the answers, maybe not, and thinking, well, "this is nice now, but in the long run, i'm going to be making music". Ask anyone in my high school, most of them probably would tell you that they didn't even know I sang. Over summer break, i was looking through my old journals, some from when i was in elementary school, and in almost every entry, if i wasnt freeking out over some boy, i talked about my dreams. i even wrote terrible pop songs. at ten years old! It made me smile :) It was one of God's ways of confirming the desires of my heart i suppose. I like when He does that, He's my Friend :)

I say all of this because of a conversation I had with my friend at work today. Which, if you think of it, pray for opportunities for me to talk to them. Really talk to them. It's become my "mission field" more so than Berklee. They are an incredible group of people that i just love, and i really want to get to know them. But my friend is at BU, and a NeuroScience major and a Psychology minor. I asked him what he wanted to do, also chiming in that i assumed he wanted to work with people, and he looked at me and said, "You know, i dont know." I wasnt' really suprised i guess, a lot of college kids dont know what they want to do, i've been a lucky one. I waited for a little while and then i just told him this---- What gets your heart pumping? What's something you get life out of? What do you love? Do that. --- i think sometimes, as college students, we start thinking entirely too much in a career oriented field and not a God one. I think we're all too often closed minded. Let's change that. For all of my ACF friends struggling with direction, keep an open mind to the heart and mind of the One who hold its all. Search for your passions, and then see how they can be developed, moved, used. God gave you your hearts with your minds for a reason, and your passions and dreams for a purpose. - and He let's us figure out how it all goes together.

Have fun. :)

loveyoubunches!!

Anna :)

So, Lately, I've been into Sparkles.

Super out of the ordinary. And headbands. I'm getting more girly with age. Fear not. I still proudly sport the American Apparel. Thats all i got, nothin inspirational, its midterms for the next two weeks, my brain is starting to diiiieeeee...

loveyoubunchesbye!

I Want to Love You is All.

I want to love You

I want to know You

I want to love You

Is All

So Father Break Me

Until I'm nothing

I want to love You

Is All.

A new song from the weak parts of my spirit and the pages of my journal. Sometimes there isn't much to say, just say exactly what it is. I've played it for a few people, and so far it's their favorite song of mine. I'm exited for people to hear it. It doesn't take much to say what you need to say.

I've made friends with a girl named Sarah who also lives in Beacon Hill and is probably the only other Berklee student to live there. :) She is an extremely talented vocalist and songwriter-God has big things in store for her :) Talking about Sarah brings me to this. There are absolutely not absolutes in life. besides actually living and dying, which is life itself... and we begin the vicious circle.

Really, in terms of the music business, i feel like i have heard it all. At this point i am exited for the business aspect of it. i want to learn it, i want to succeed in it. It's a business, and i want to learn about it. But when it comes to actually selling records? Nothing actually matters. I'm serious. As new musicians at Berklee we're drilled with this idea of greatness all the time, coming in the form of new fresh lyrics or creative melodies, basically saying if you arent good, you dont have a chance. Although that may be a substantial truth, everyone knows that there is amazing talent out there, that never sees their career launch into a major label or retail store, adn then there are people who have great faces, perfect teeth and overdone hair, who go platinum. Country music is one genre with boggles my mind. As a writer, i sort of dabble with everything, but the most commercial things i write are for the country genre. My Essentials of Songwriting teacher was talking to us last week about her staff writing position she had earlier in her career. She said it was tough-everyone was writing, everybody's a somebody. If the competition is so fierce, why does country music continue to deliver the same style, lyrically and musically term after term, season after season, year after year? And why, is the music that sells seem to be the songs with the simple lyrics? I'm probably going into entirely too much detail about how my mind analyzes the whole thing, but it's so true. there are no absolutes. Great lyrics, poor lyrics, great voice, mediocre voice---it doesn't matter. What does? Who you know, and who knows you.

So guess who i know.

The Creator of the Universe.

Ima vote He has control of things.

loveyoubunches!

Heaven Song.

I want to run on greener pastures

I want to dance on higher hills

I want to drink from sweeter waters

In the misty morning chill

And my soul is getting restless

I can’t wait to join the angels and sing

my heaven song

Phil Wickham.

If you get a chance, check out the acoustic version of this song. You'll understand why he's my favorite artist.

I decided I'd drop a line or two, but with me it always seems to be more. I really shouldn't be doing anything but school work right now, but I just feel like writing. I'm in the process of finding an internship for next semester, in one of 3 cities: New York, Los Angeles, or Nashville. Depending on what my internship actually is, will delegate where I live. If i get a job with a label, my chances are pretty high to be in Nashville. Publishing and rights can also be Nashville, but a lot of New York. Los Angeles (and currently the front runner I think) will be a fusion of Music and the Entertainment industry (TV/Film). So far the search has been really fun, being able to see what's out there for us mere college kiddos. I'll keep you updated on where I'm applying and who gets back to me. As for school, its so busy- a lot of work. I have a new class, Song Demo in the Recording Studio, where basically, you record 2 demos by the end of the semester. The first demo is mixed/produced by and engineer, and the second is produced by yourself (which will be veeeeerrry interesting..) I'm recording on Thursday and still have yet to decide which song of mine I want to lay down. I think I may record a song called "Undone" about my own experiences with the blindness that bitterness puts over our eyes and the hurt it causes us without even knowing it. It sounds like a downer, but it's really a story of freedom and surrender. Finding that epifiny moment where you realize that being bitter or angry only hurts yourself and not the other person can be really life changing. It sounds so cliché, and simple, but when a situation like that arises, you DO become blind, and no matter how many times you hear something, it takes God's own divine and patient character to change us.

I finished "Chasing Daylight" but E.R. McCanus, and it was so empowering. It's the kind of writing that makes you want to live each day differently. He inspires you to truly live, and in Jesus. He said something that is fundamental to a life of Faith in Jesus, but is far too overlooked. We as Christians, evangelists, warriors, teachers, etc. need to continually remind ourselves to lean on Jesus. Great. We do. We need to lean on our One and Only source for anything, but, which way are we leaning? McCanus suggests that we are leaning backwards on the Lord, as He pushes us forward. This isn't how this is supposed to be! In our Walk, we should lean forward with God, on God, knowing He is Divine and seeing His works happen as they happen. I wrote a lyric during the summer and just last week wrote the song. It's called safely and the chorus goes like this.

I'm gonna jump off the water fall

sink into the waves

never touch the bottom

and somehow be ok

I'm losing my life

to all I know

Don't know the end of the story

but I'll get there

Safely

It's my visual way of explaining how Faith should be. It should be exhilarating. An adventure. That doesn't mean there aren't slow, shallow pools, or frightening rapids, but in the big picture, it's an adventure.

How good is our God that He offers a lifetime of adventure, just to say "I love You."

"If I perish, I perish."

Hi.

My name is Anna. I'm five foot, two inches tall, have brown hair, green eyes and freckles. i have an obsession with superheros and the color green, and quite recently, puggles. do you remember me?

...........yeaaaa

So, i basically didnt have internet all summer. Neat. but now i am here, back in Beantown, attending Bizerklee (as my Harmony teacher calls it), and enjoying the craziness life throws at me. or i guess the craziness Jesus throws at me. He's funny, you know. :)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

I've been reading a lot lately, fiction and inspiration, but currently i'm stuck on Erwin Raphael Mcmanus. he's a really great writer, transparent and entirely motivating. i'm reading his book "Chasing Daylight", about seizing the divine moment. God's been doing a lot in my life in that area lately. for example, a while ago i decided to read through and study the New Testament in it's entirety. well, i finished and decided, randomly (seemingly out of the blue but now i see it wasnt...) to read the book of Esther. heh. well, i didnt know it, but the book of Esther has a continual theme of courage in the hands of the Lord. its about knowing the Lord is good, trustworthy, and in control. the study note in my Bible for Chapter 4 verse 14 says this

"God is not specifically mentioned in the book of Esther, but it is obvious that Mordecai expected a divine deliverance. While the book of Esther does not mention God by name or title, His presence fills the pages. Esther and Mordecai believed in God's care, and because they acted at the right time, God used them to save His people.

When you face challenges in life, seek to know what God wants you to do, and then do it, confident that He will do His part. You dont know ahead of time how He will accomplish His will. Trust God and prepare to be surprised by the ways He demonstrates His trustworthiness."

I think He's saying, "Anna, look who I Am. I'm getting you ready for something, but you need to love me first." He's saying that sometimes, we dont need an ending. too often we try to be the writers of our stories. a lot of times actually. that makes faith entirely too comfortable. too often, we pray to our God, read His words, seek for answers, all while looking in a mirror. what about jumping of a cliff blindfolded? i think thats what faith is like sometimes. as long as we are with the Lord, seeking to know Him more, praying and reading His precious words to us, we can come to trust our passions and judgements a little bit more. God has brought me to a place where i don't think there is a right or wrong way to choose to go, but a Godly way. theres a sort of freedom and fearlessness that comes with that. and i am so exited about it. He's teaching me to let go. of everything really. to be able to seize the divine moment, live with courage and fearlessness, taking one step at a time through uncharted territories, splashing new colors each day on a fresh, blank canvas.

bottom line, live passionately. i want to see God's people living passionately, fearlessly, exitedly. life is love. be passionate. live with a guided fearlessness in the palm of His hands, and when you trace His footprints in the sand, RUN.

Too long, no Internet.

So I'm writing this from my iPhone... The Jepson household has been without Internet for over 2 weeks now, it's getting slightly rediculous. I have loan applications to fill out.... I gt the bill in the mail today reminding me ever so politely.... I'll update as soon as were back from the stone ages....

God of This City

For greater things have yet to come 
And greater things are still to be done in this City 
Greater things have yet to come 
And greater things are still to be done here 

Chris Tomlin.

so, heres a small, or big i suppose, lifedate from mahself. theres something that God has been calling me to for over a year now. sort of a Peter and the water moment. in what He's calling me to, it could go in almost any direction, and He can teach me absolutely anything He wants. it's really scary. and really out of my comfort zone, but this song has been on repeat all afternoon, and has been an incredible peacemaker/energizer for my heart. i feel like God is calling me to really really big things, things that i feel i am too small and ill-equipped to do. but Jesus reminds me that if He's asking me to do it, He has a reason, and i can do it, and to remember that His way is always best.

but in regards to this song. it's the status of my heart. these words are the words Jesus has been speaking to me over the past few months. He's getting ready to move in bigger ways than we've ever seen. Revival is coming. and when i say that i feel like i'm being called to big things, i realized that He's calling all of us to those things. greater things. BIG THINGS. Greater things are still to be done, greater things are still to be done here.

loveyoubunches!! =]

Winter Song.

My love a beacon in the night.

My words will be your light
To carry you to me.

Is love alive?
Is love alive?

Winter Song-Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson 

i cant tell you how much i like this song. its beautiful. melodically-simple, innocent, bare. but the lyrics are incredible. whether this was their original intent for the song or not, from the moment i heard it, i heard Jesus talking. the lyrics are His words, speaking to me. what a great thing,  that because our Creator is the Creator of all things, He can teach through any possible medium. you know what else is awesome about Him? He IS yesterday, today, and forever. i saw the movie "Up" tonight. go see it, i think it's more of an adult film than a childrens film. but at any rate, Jesus used yet another aspect of Pop culture to teach me something-a big something. the main character in the movie is an old man named Mr. Fredrickson. he lived his entire life knowing the love of his life, and falling more in love with her every day. the kind of love that only fools can dream about. a Noah and Allie. but Ellie, his wife, passes away before him, and he looses his sense of life. i sat in the mushy seats, slightly cold from the airconditioned air, continually pushing up my 3-D glasses, and thought to myself "I want a love like that. but what if i'm not Ellie, what if i'm Mr. Fredrickson? what kind of despair would i endure? what happens to my heart?" and Jesus said immediately- in the most gentle, kind, and patient voice, 

"You have Me, Anna. You have Me."

The Revolution.

It's over, it's starting. That could be one of my favorite "life inevitables". My first semester at Berklee is officially over, and i am moving on to the wonderful creative opportunities summer has to offer. so stoked. its 2 am, and i should be sleeping, but first of all, i have no reason to get up tomorrow, so im not worried about it. :) and second of all, its been one of those days where my mind has gone from exhausted to non-stop working, back to exhausted, and well, now im back to working. this is also known as emotion-heh.

its been forever since ive written, so i guess i'll update my life a little. Berklee has been an incredible experience, in both life and music. God has done so much in my life. He's taken my mistakes and made beauty from it, He's rewarded me for obedience, He's showed me justice, given me a mere glimpse of His Heart for His people, felt His disappointment and forgiveness and love simultaneously--I have encountered our Father's heart in so, so many ways. when i say disappointment, i mean that there have been multiple times in the past year where i had heard what it was the Lord wanted me to do, and i did my own thing. i went my own way, ended up broken, and He didn't want to see me hurt, but rejoiced and welcomed me home when i turned around. i cant even tell you how many times i have looked at my life, my decisions, my heart, and asked God if He was sure He knew it was me He was saving. i wrote a song about it, and whether or not its ever recorded, produced, distributed, heard, whatever--it is a never ending song in my own life that always draws me nearer to Him in times like that. my prayer is that yes, it would be a song for the broken, for the sinners, for the lost. a song of brokenness. a song of redemption. a song of adoration.

God has begun to teach me about my life as a musician, and a what is looks like to be a Christian in a progressive industry. but before i even go into that, i want to say this.

God is building a revolution among His people. and i believe that it is in my generation, and if i may be so blessed, my children's generation. God is building a revolution. i believe this with every fiber in my being. A REVOLUTION! How sick is that?! and HE is calling US to be a part of it. to BE the Revolution.

Now in this, God has placed on my heart two very specific messages for His people, whether it be through my music, my writing, or simply my life: Healing and Apathy. can mediocre Christianity count as a Holy discontent? or is that just plain frustration? to be honest, mediocre Christianity is extremely frustrating, but ive found that its even more hurtful. i literally begin to hurt for my friends and family who are "playing it safe" and "going through the motions". this is where part of the revolution comes in. this whole halfwayChrsitian thing just isnt working. it never has. what mountains can we move with our own hands? we need the power of Jesus on our side, btu when we live in a comfortable, apathetic lifestyle, we become fruitless, and rely on only ourselves for our needs. this revolution is going ot be an awakening in the hearts of the "cruisers". He's going to take the low tide waves and turn them into tidalwaves, and the candle flames into wildfires. He's building a revolution.

The second thing that God has placed on my heart is the topic of healing. this comes from personal experience. God has written a story of healing and freedom in my life. as i have written before, my heart, like many of His people, had been withered, torn, and beaten. -and worst, it felt neglected, ignored, unwanted,worthless- a mistake. and nothing and no one could fix it. it was a cup that was once perfectly crafted, smooth and crystal clear, but was then picked up only to be dropped and shattered. i, myself, tried to put the glass back together with Elmers, but we all know how unreliable that is.....eventually i let the true artist fix its creation. the Potter took to the clay, in an entirely new way, and it happened in very visible stages. the edges were first simply picked up, then pieced back together, then they were molded together- not just glued. something that was way more powerful than glue. He reshaped it together. but there were scars. and sometimes they hurt, and sometimes they still do. but the beauty is not just in that the cup was fixed, but Who fixed it, because everytime i look at it, my eyes turn to it's Creator. This is God's desire. He desires to see the broken and wounded people of the world find freedom and healing in His hands. i belive that in many people's hearts, what keeps them from discovering the freedom of Jesus are the wounds and scars set deep into their hearts. Jesus took them for us, and that is the story He wants His people to hear. This is part of the revolution He is building.

He is building a revolution. Are you ready?

Eat more bananas.

i keep getting cramps in my feet. toes to be exact. but now its moving to my fingers as well. operation boostpotassium level is now in progress. im getting bananas tomorrow at shaws-second coolest grocery next to wegmans.

thank You God for bananas. You are awesome.

loveyoubunchesbye! =]

Swing.

I see my sister sitting on a swing. She knows she needs to get off. Its time for dinner and daddy’s calling. But she keeps on swingin. Im the kid waiting at the doorway, becoming more and more frustrated by the minute with my sisters stubbornness. Why cant she just get off the swing? Doesn’t she know that the dinner is her favorite? A perfect summer meal: dry rub ribs, caprese salad, corn on the cob, and freshly baked bread, not to mention a little lemonada.

Eventually, one by one the small tears stream down my face- at first in frustration, but then Daddy tells her what He's made for her. She looks at Him, stops for a brief moment, touches her tiny toes to the dry dusty earth, and then picks them back up and starts swinging. My tears of frustration quickly turn to hurt. I want her to be with me! I want her to discover what it is that Dad made for us! Why does she keep swinging? Why doesn’t she want this? Is the swing better? Why does she keep swinging?  Why does she keep swinging?

 

I think I’ve discovered the deeper levels of compassion, sympathy, and empathy, and they aren’t always the most pleasant of emotions. It's opened my eyes to the love and patience of my Father on an entirely new level. 

 

1 Corinthians 13

Love

 1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Beloved.

Beloved.

Come back to me.

I want to be your everything.

Beloved.

Come back to me.

I want to be the air you breathe.

Beloved.

Come back to me.

Isn't wonderful how Jesus looks at every single one of us the same? I had a moment a few weeks ago where i was walking into the elevator to go up to my apartment, headphones in my ears as always, listening to my Unplugged playlist, and i heard these words in the deepest parts of who i am. the kind of authority that captivates, that brings you to your knees in submission yet simultaneously opens its inviting arms and welcomes you in, stopped me dead in my tracks. i remember exactly how my left foot, wet and soggy in my boots, was just about to hit the ground, and my right hand was stretched out to touch the little cicular button, and my nose was cold and runny, but somehow i always enjoy it. the Jeremy Camp's version of "Give Me Jesus" was just finishing up the picking pattern and he was singing the first line. and i heard my Father, King of all Creation, speak to a tender and discouraged heart-

Beloved. Come back to me.

it was the most unreal experience. 

i have felt, over the past few weeks (since ive been home from break), an incredible weight from a task that i feel like i'm not capable of completing. i came back from break, having realized the desperate need for fellowship in my life. but as the semester has continued, ive come to realize that He has placed iron in my life for sharpening, it's just not in the way i originally imagined. i'm not saying fellowship isnt needed-it is. and i have been blessed with an awesome church and a crazy Christian girl named Tara who i have an insane amount of fun with. 

but Jesus is so way cool. He decided that He was going to sharpen me in a different way. He has placed quite an array of people in my life. on fire Christians, Unitarians, hypocrytical Christians, Mormans, Athiests, lukewarm Christians, Bahai, new age experimentalists.... Honestly-name it. we're a very eccentric group thats for sure. and strangely, we all get along really really well. today, i had coffee with a friend who is Morman and we just talked. i took in all that she was telling me about her faith. it's so interesting. on saturday, with the help of prayer from people i love, i went to a Bahai meeting with Tara, and we sat through and asked questions periodically. i have never more been more encouraged in my own faith. i feel like one of the attacks on Christianity is that there is no logical explanation,or not enough black and white contrast, but after having all of these conversations with people, i have never felt or heard more gray areas in the fundamental questions of life. i feel like there is no more Black and White Faith than that of what i have in Jesus. 

so back to Beloved. Jesus only asks me to be near Him. to seek Him with all i am, and love Him with all i am, and give Him all i am. He was calling me back to Him and only Him, disreguarding life for a few moments. to give my Creator all of me-and when you think about it, how selfish is it that we wouldn't give our Creator all of us?

loveyoubunches=]

Stranger.

Well Hello there! 

How are ya? 

Amazing?

It's nice to fin'ly meet ya.

Chris August.

i have a knack for discovering sweet acoustic goodness music. its a talent ive discovered over time. 

so! i havent written in this little lovely for quite some time now. im finding that my time management skills are being challenged. if i do have free time i try to play guitar to try and improve my toddler level skills. it's been a slow and steady growing process.  i have quite an array of songs that ive written, and im recording a few this summer! the question is... should we try to make an EP? or just lay down a few really simple tracks-acoustic. what do ya think? 

at any rate, im insanely stoked, and nervous. im not quite sure if im up to par haha. it's going to be fun though. an entirely new experience =]

in the life category, i am doing so very well. Jesus has dealt me a pretty sweet deal the past few weeks. not to mention that the weather in insssaaaanely gorgeous this week!!! 60, blue sky,and the sunshine came to visit like it had been gone for years. naturally, it was a sundress day. =]

loveyoubunchesbye!!! 

STOKED!

sometimes i just SUPER STOKED about Jesus. like right now. the kind of stoked that makes you want to sprint through the pouring rain. or fall to your knees. or stand with arms spread wide and belting to the sky. lets be fools for Jesus.

shouldnt it be like this all the time? not just sometimes?

the wonderful thing about it is that He is even MORE stoked than i am right now.

haha. He's my favorite.

loveyoubunchesbye!

One of Those Days.

so i started this blog at 10:30 this morning, and it is now 6:41.....(finished cookies, trecked up to berklee, and am now at school, at 8:40. this is a perfect display of my scattered brain. =])  nice. i got sidetracked... on many occasions. for one, i was watching my saturday morning cartoons. Ben10 Alien Force to be exact. =] quite possibly the sweetest cartoon ever. next to the classics of course. then i started writing. i picked up Jeb (yes, i have officially named him Jeb.) and just started having a conversation. Jeb was very much ok with just ridin' it out, really chill, letting the words to all the talking. im such a words person. i really dont think i could ever describe how much words mean to me. the pages of my journal and the ink of my pen are, besides Jesus, my two best friends. i think every person needs some sort of canvas to paint the picture of  your life. your heart. your creativity. your questions. your hurt. your joy. it is an incredible blessing to be able to write. it is for me. 

but what is your pen? what are you pages? 

in other news. i was compared to a duck today. and then a swan. he tried to save himself.... don't know if it worked or not. but im not really complaining. so if you see a petite brunette waddling down the street, probably with other little kids waddling behind, it's me.

loveyoubunchesbye! =]

The Trifecta.

Laundry at 1am.

An entirely too big bowl of Muddie Buddies.

The Maine.

Last day at home. officially. because its one in the morning. its been a great break. im pretty sure ive lost all sense of routine, so im pretty stoked to get back. ive been referring to Boston as home all week though. i love my family and my heart is always where they are, but when you find your niche, you find your niche. and Boston's mine. i did very much enjoy being with my amazing friends at PennState. we watched The Ringer--funny. 

laundry is insanely lame right now. i have a black and white check shirt. i would normally put it in with the whites, but i only had one load to do so i threw it in. little did i know the devil himself, dressed finely in red was lurking in my washer. i have pink everything. the denim has been saved however. but then to top it all off, i decided that it was time to put the muddie buddies away (because along with losing routine, my diet also decided to take a vacation) and then proceeded to spill half of the container onto the floor, making a stop on my jeans before hitting the ground. did i not just finish a load of laundry?? and powdered sugar is the worst to clean up.... so i ended up standing in my kitchen, laughing out loud and staring at my feet, holding the container in my hands. 

sometimes, i just love life.

loveyoubunchesbye!! =]

Capture My Heart Again.

I'm not gonna fight you anymore
Not gonna try to lock the door
You took your life and gave me yours
There's no reason why
I shouldn't trust you with mine

Brandon Heath.

refreshing. apparently a theme God wants me to hold onto for a little while. but this time, it's in an entirely new way. im home. =] sitting on my couch, coffee to my right as always, listening to The Message radio station blair through my television. I'm reading a book right now called Redeeming Love. the plot is pretty extreme, but i feel like i can really relate to the entire idea of the book. the husband never ceases to give up on his wife. he continues to go back and get her. she turns her back on him multiple times, and he pulls her in close. it's hard and hes really frustrated. but he does it. and he relies on God's strength to do so.

i feel like where im at in my life, God keeps having to come back to get me. on sunday, i had what i would call "a God day". He was painfully obvious at what He wanted me to hear. so why do i keep running? i know what i have to do, so it should be easy right? no. why isnt it? God keeps saving me from jumping off the cliff. i just need to turn around and walk the other direction. we are so tied to our own independence. a lesson from my one of my favorite books. how often do we show our Father, our Friend, our Savior, Redeemer, that we think we can do things on our own, that we don't need Him. even when in our own minds, it isnt like that, it's what our actions say. 

i'm so glad it's break. i realized coming home the lack of community i really do have in boston, and the toll its taking on my Spirit. again, it comes back to being tied much too tightly to my independence. so although this week is a time for refreshing, im now seeing it as a time of a time of surrender, and even more so, submission.

I love You, Jesus. 

Give Me Jesus.

To be quiet

To be still

I haven't fount it but i will

To be willing

To be real

To know what You ask

not what i feel

To be open

To be broken

To hear the words of Your Heart

Finally spoken.

--the vulnerable, battered, dirty and used pages of my journal.

it was rainy today. misty. refreshing. 

i cant even explain how much i enjoy days like these. it sticks out from the rest. my walk home from school, feeling quite pleased with myself for nailing my eartraining midterm, and ready to sit myself down in my desk chair with some cookies, coffee, and a whole lot of writing skills. 

it was somehow a wind down kind of day.

but what was best, was fully and totally deciding to give Jesus all of my attention today. what a blessing it is to simply just be with Jesus. those times where its instant. its not really explainable-just a complete peace and contentment in just being with Jesus-no searching, no asking, no wondering, no worrying, no talking. to just simply be.

Green Bananas.

Love is the river that flows through

Love is the arms that are holding you

Love is the place you will fly to

Love never fails you

Brandon Heath.

have you ever eaten a banana before it was ripe? worst thing ever. i mean,  a banana is a solid piece of fruit, amen? so why would we want to ruin it by eating it before its ripe? yet for some reason, we do it. all the time. we want that banana. it's in our minds and now we want nothing else but it. shouldnt we just wait for it to be ripe? or maybe, heaven forbid, that banana just isnt for our lips to taste. "No! Blasphemy! It has to be!" and we cling tightly to the green banana, peel it even though it puts up a very respectful fight, and eat it. 

ewe! its sour, and bitter, and just gross. not what we pictured at all. so why do we always eat it?

well. recently i had a pretty unique experience. i saw a green banana, peeled it, ate it, and it tasted like a ripe banana........ !?!?!?! i know right? insane in the membrane. but i could still see that it was green. it wasnt ripe, even though it tasted like it was. it makes putting that banana down and walking away that much harder. i felt like God was watching me and just laughing and my complex. like He was standing right next to me, just watching my face twist up with a thousand different emotions. i was probably making ridiculously attractive facial expressions........but He was so exited when i put it back down! and once i started to realize what i had done, how i had succumbed to the lovely fruit from the forbidden tree, i could do nothing but look at Him, and He so very willingly just opens His arms and smiles, and calls me to Him. 

no matter what i do, He always takes  me back. i cant wrap my mind around it. to have that much Grace. Patience. Love. it never fails.

also, just for clarification, the whole banana deal is a metaphor. im actually VERY positive that its completely impossible t0 have a real green banana taste good. they're impossible to peel. greatgreat. 

loveyoubunchesbye!=]

I've decided that im a chameleon.

so i got a new guitar. 

AND ITS AWESOME.

=] ive yet to name it, and im wondering if it needs a name.... guitars always end up with girl names, but a girl naming it a girl doesn't sit well with me. im really into the name carter, but for a guitar? not so sure. anyways, just wanted to share my enthusiasm. =]

midterms came so incredibly fast. they're next week! i can hardly believe it. but that just means less days until i am home to see all of my fantabulous pennstaters, whom i miss incredibly. it'll be nice to have nothing to do but play and write and chill for a week too. until then, ive decided to kick into high gear so i can ace all of my exams. 

anyways, concerning my chameleon comment- ive been trying to classify myself. a genre. it's not really doable. lately ive been really into folk...... myspace.com/thefamilytree......been listening to the same two songs for like an hour. but my life and personality is sort of like a potluck, im a little bit of everything. in the way i dress, the things i like, the way i sing, the music i like. so ive decided that a new category is in order. what should we name it?

i'll think about it, and get back to you.

loveyoubunchesbye! =]

Just a little bit.

so. i have a lot of work to do still but i just needed to say this.

an assignment that i have for thursday is to write a song in garage band... um awesome. secondly, im doing my harmony homework right now, and basically we're just disecting "Waiting on the World to Change" by John Mayer. 

be jealous of how cool my school is.

loveyoubunchesbye!!

=]

Faith My Eyes.

So keep'em coming these lines on the road

And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load

And keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise

and I'll walk with grace with my feet and Faith My Eyes.

Caedman's Call.

who woulda thought?

surveying the past two or three weeks of my life has been enlightening. i learned a very valuable lesson last week, about bitterness. its such a scary sin. because for the most part, it's sneaky. it comes in the night, and plants itself securely in between issues, scars, memories, dreams, anything, and sets a seed firmly in the ground. it slowly grows, but is covered by all of the other inhabitants of the garden of your heart, so you rarely ever realize that it is gaining such a big foothold on your life. it is small and innocent on the outside, sprouting just like all of the other flowers in your garden. but if we look further, if we look underneath, in the soil, in the dirt, we can see that there is one plant, who's roots have become so large and so powerful, that they are beginning to govern the whole garden. its strong and violent, pulling out roots and destroying the beauty and innocence of what the garden has become. it's tearing it apart, until finally, the actions of this powerful root begin to take it's toll on the surface. it blooms less, it looses it's vibrant colors. it begins to surrender. but all the while there is a new plant that's boldly surfaced in the midst of all of this. it is strong, tall, and no longer a plant but a tree, with perfectly pink and white flowers, blowing prettily in the wind. how can this tree of beauty on the surface cause so much havoc underneath? it is a perfectly innocent disguise. bitterness. 

theres a RelientK song that has the line "but the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." my brother reminded me of this this week, and it became so much more real to me. no matter how much someone has hurt you, no matter how much you feel wronged by them, being angry at them will never make them realize what they did to you--in my particular situation. the bitterness which i was harvesting in my heart was keeping me from discovering the freedom which God has designed for me. my bitterness kept me from moving on in a sense. and even scarrier, it started to govern some of my decisions. such a scary place to be. but what freedom we find in Jesus. i can't tell you how many times i've heard this message. but the truth is, we are blinded by it, so we can't ever hear it enough.

in other news, the Father never ceases to tap on the doors of my heart and whisper to me. i'm finding myself being called back to a place of Faith. to truly live in the words of Jeremiah 29:11. to stand on the edge of the boat, and walk off, onto the water, and keep my gaze fixed upon the beauty before me. this is a perfect picture of my life last year. this time however, being called back to a place of Faith hasnt been so much about stepping off the boat. instead, theres a giant mountain before me. and there is so much uncertainty, so many variables, so much literal hard work to get to it. and i'm scarred out of my wits, and unable to see how things could possibly come together to get me to the top. and then Jesus says, "I'm Here." and even through my timid and doubting spirit, i know that God is bigger, and that His plan is perfect, and prosperous, hopeful, and fulfilling. 

also, i saw 4 blind men on friday...........

Really? Really. That just happened? That just happened.

sometimes life comes in and hits you hard with  a giant mallet that says "hey, bet you didn't see me coming." and it's smiling and laughing all the while, mocking your foolishness.

such.is.my.life.

i cant decide what i want to do. freak out, yell, hit, be violent, be extremely immature--OR--walk away, twist my head to the side, with my hand in the air and say "talk to it." either option is terrible. the first, well thats just a really bad way to handle it. but the second option gives me absolutely no closure, and leaves the cause for the foolishness permanently engraved on my heart.  my advice, dont ever walk through the gates of that land until you're prepared to live in them for the rest of eternity. it's not better to have loved than to never have loved at all. just save it. wait until the pathway of your life and the fairytale kingdom coincide. dont run ahead to find it. you'll just get lost. oh the predicaments of life, love, and lost fairytale lands.

ergo, today was a day full of guitar and writing, continually refilled mugs of coffee, and large bottles of Pellegrino. i have a ton of work to be doing too. but when somethings on my mind, really really on my mind, theres no way im getting work done. so i channel it into something else. hence a day full of writing. today i completly finished up a song about Jesus, the man. it's always boggled my mind, the idea of the trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, but even more so, the idea of Jesus as a boy. There was a young boy behind me in church today, between 1 and 2, and he had very obviously recently mastered his parent names. so all throughout the service i heard a small high voice repeating over and over...mama, dadada, mama, dada... it was wonderful. i thought of the idea of Jesus as a boy yesterday, and i wondered what it would be like. especially from marys point of view. as a mother, when He fell down and scraped His knee, did He yell for her? did she run to His side? what did His laugh sound like, and how did it change from a small giggle to a deep roll of laughter of the carpenter He became. to think that He was the perfect man, fully God, and fully man. it's a really strange concept, and makes my mind run in circles. but at any rate, the song is pretty neat. and ive discovered that i am deeply in like with sus chords, i think they make the best songwriting companions. 

welp, i think ill go play some more. and then actually do work. 

loveyoubunches! 

best.day.ever.

so yesterday was they type of day that i live for.

high of 57.

light breeze.

blue sky.

sunny.

everyone was happy in class. 

and i had the second best run, in all my running history. Boston is a beautiful city. it was my first run outside, in Boston, because it's been so cold. and oh my goodness. i could have run for 2 more hours. i went into auto pilot mode instantaeously and took in ever single moment in teh common. well, i started out in the common, and then crossed over to another section of the park, not completely sure if its still the common, and then i went onto the streets, the nonbusy, nonpeople infested streets. can also be known as one of the nicer parts of boston? oh goodness. i ran around Beacon, which if you come visit me, we are going to. it's a beautiful street. and then i ran up this hill on walnut, which intersected with chestnut i believe... it was just gorgeous. i did however, stop and do the whole running place thing a few times to take some pictures for you to see=] i like running with my phone. makes for good documentation.

oh, also oh my run, i saw just a plethora of children. so cute. however, there was one little boy that i saw, and im wondering if my mom instincts were maybe just a little too much for the situation, and i should just cool it..? heres the deal. there were two young moms, and their kids, each with one, i think one girl and then the other was a boy. well the mom, perfectly put together, brunette hair, pulled back in a low pony tail, and a sharp green peacoat was holding her sons hand, and then let go as he proceeded to step into a puddle, and wash his hands. she just watched him. he just splashed his hands in the cold brown water, and she just watched him, with a small grin. ahem. i know as a parent you have to pick and choose your battles, but this to me was a very clear line. you dont let your kids play in puddles in public parks with who knows how many dogs i had seen in just that 5 minutes, not to mention that its cold season and almost everyone in Boston has some sort of something. so, for parents out there, please tell me if im wrong. maybe i should loosen up, i mean, with all the kids i have. cuz im married. and have a fiance, boyfriend. and a...... oh wait. i may or may not be getting ahead of myself. ;)

to add more to the best day, because it was beautiful and i had a brilliant run, i got to make dinner and the whole apartment smelled like it for hours. =] so when tara got home it smelled like dinner time. and then i happily did laundry, went grocery shopping, served my friend dinner, worked on some worship music, and then video chatted with a friend for 2 and a half hours because Macs are the best. and i am planning on making cookies today. =] should i achieve like, ultimate nerd status for actually enjoying these things?? im very much ok with sitting on that throne. 

in other news, ive discovered a new like for croissants. like, um, really, they are so good. i got some yesterday at the store, and am obviously eating one now, which is where the relevancy comes from. see. nothing i say is ever really random. you just dont hear the whole thought process. =]

theres an open mic night this saturday, and my friend and i wrote/arewriting this song called baby blues (his girlfriend has blue eyes, naturally........) i wrote the verses and he does the chorus, and then we sing those same parts, with a sort of echo. its so cute. when he played it, the first thing i thought of was the beach, my toes in the sand, looking at where the sun and the water meet together on the horizon, and feeling the breeze run through every part of me. (i really want the beach) so anyway, the song is really fun, and fresh, and it talks about how that one person makes you feel gitty, and awkward, and you get butterflies, and tongue tied.... just the newness of a relationship and being happiest to just be. it makes me happy to think about=]

loveyoubunchesbye!

grande non-fat chai. yes please.

im sitting on my futon, drinking my grande non-fat chai, and eating a croissant, and listening to Joshua Radin. really, it can't get much more chill. 

yet again i am here to tell you that i am putting off homework.... i dont mind it once i start, i actually enjoy it. but heres the snag. i cant listen to other music when im doing it, because it requires all of my inner ear. 

so with that, im going to actually go do work. if you would like to show me how to properly notate 32notes, please, feel free.

Under Summer Sun.

dude, Matt Wertz is the man. i was supposed to go see him last night, but due to the internets incapable communication skills, i got the whole way there to find that it was sold out. lamesausages. he has a song called "Waiting" which is is pretty much about how he's waiting to find her, whoever she may be. i would like to take this time to say, "Matt. I'm right here. And we should jam sometime." alright, done. 

but at any rate, he's so good. acoustic/pop/rock is so good. 

now. something ive been so wanting to say. well... actually, if i took that sentence and really embraced all that it is, both you and i may or may not be sitting here for the rest of eternity. so. i'll just say this. i really like songwriting. im not so hot at it yet, but it's such a wonderful, creative blessing. i write about whatever my heart wants to speak of. like one song, which is probably my favorite, is to Jesus, and is about how He waits for me, how He pulls me in and dances with me, how he captivates me. another awesome thing about songwriting is that i can tell someone a story, or send somone a message, or have a conversation that was never had, but needed to be,  all through a few simple chord progressions and strikingly blunt lyrics. i wrote a song on thursday night. the whole thing. jsut did it. i was so fired up. i have something i need to tell someone-he needs to know. and boy oh boy, am i exited to see his face when he hears it. a lot of unsaid words. a lot of unrecognized hurt. a lot, a lot of a complete lack of  awareness for anyone. man oh man. boom. outta here.

so with that said, ive been playing and procrastinating all day.... not wanting to do homework. but i think i should at least get sooooomething done before 830. taylor swifts new video is premiering, so im gonna watch that. yup, thats pretty much the only activity penciled in my calendar for today- a 4 minute video premiere on CMT. i dont even watch CMT. but its been super chill. and im sorta sick. but i thawed out some soup. and it was tastey. 

also, it should be known that i was dancing very badly, but proudly all by myself in my kitchen for a good while today. "The Way I Feel" by Matt Wertz just makes me wanna dance. 

welp, thas what i got. thanks for putting up with randomness. 

loveyoubunchesbye! =]

i'll forever be a four year old.

im so stoked for the day. just because it's another day.

yesterday morning, i started out my day by waking up early to go for a run (inside mind you, because it was 9 degrees out). it was a short-run day, so those are always nice. runs in the morning usually start my day off well. especially when it gets nicer, when winter mixes with spring, and the sun begins to gradually come up earlier, and earlier, and the entire run is a new exploration of God's beauty. i have a very specific memory from a run last spring, probably late march or early april. i got up at 645am, brushed my teeth (because im insanely particular about making it the first thing i do when i get up) put on my white fleece, headphones in, and started off toward University drive listening to some acoustic pop goodness thanks to Bethany Dillon. i ran out towards the airport, running up and around the hills by the farms, waving to the cows like i always do, and as i was nearing the crescent of a hill, "Let Your Light Shine" came on, and the new bright sun poked out from the top of it, shining all of it's white and gold goodness over all of creation. it was a perfect placing of the elements. it was like God was saying, "Here I Am. Let's run together." so, naturally, i obliged. ;) 

i had a similar moment yesterday morning after my run, as i was heading to school. to give my self more time, i take the T to school in the morning , which is Boston's version of the Subway. i waited in the station for the next train to come, and as i saw two light emerging from the tunnel, i noticed that this train was one of the most full id ever seen. it was unreal. everyone pressed against the glass and the doors, everyone way to close for comfort. anyways, i was dreading getting on, because i jsut didn't want to be all up in a strangers face that early in the morning. ive had some experiences. like monday for example. i was sitting, and a boy got on right after me, stood directly in front of me, and his fly was down. it was the most impossible thing to not burst out laughing. and i laugh a lot. and loudly. i should get an award for my composure. i kept smiling and burying my face in my scarf....but anyways, back to yesterday.

the train came to a stop and i noticed that there were some people getting off in the very first car of the train, right next to the driver. i stepped on, and stood on the stairs, holding the rail to my right, and peeped my head out over the wall to my right to look out the windshield. i thought that i should entertain my brain for a little while, at least for these 6 minutes. the driver looked out her mirrors, closed the doors and we slowly pulled away. i kept my gaze fixed straight ahead, peering down the tunnel, watching the other trains pass to my left, and turn out of sight. i would have love to have seen the simple wonder in my eyes in this moment. i have never felt like more of a child then in that moment. those moments when your a little girl, or boy, and you just take it all in. your first plane ride. your first trip to the zoo. the first time you see your baby sister. your first train ride. i couldn't believe the joy i was getting out of watching the train move faster and faster down the tunnel! i wasnt a 20 year old music student, i was a four year old toddler, on her first train ride, not wanting it to end. i wanted to catch up with the track ahead of me, zoom down the tunnel and discover what was surprises it had. it was such a Jesus thing. He wanted to share it with me.  He knows my heart better than anyone. He knows that i like the little things. He knows the things that will make me happy even when i dont. like this train ride. i am filled with joy just thinking about it.

mornings are one of my favorite things. and today, ive started out things on another wonderfully high note. in my apartment building, we get free coffee and food from starbucks. free coffee fridays are their title now. so naturally getting out of bed wasn't so hard today;)

i hope that you will be able to experience moments of being a child like i did the other day. jsut be with Him. He'll captivate you. body, mind, and soul. 

loveyoubunches!

Anna=]

Fears and Romances, Gentle Hands and Slowdances.

what a beautiful picture-a romance with Jesus. it's such a strange concept to understand. mostly because its something that is felt, not so much explained. but how wonderful it is to know that He desires us. He desires us. to feel it. to see a broken glass, that was once flawless and filled, overflowing even, be patiently picked up, and carefully and gently put back together with gentle hands. to see the glass put together, but still cracked, become sealed and smooth by His hands. to see restoration. to see the glass become strong, refillable, and now, it has become something stronger than just a mere drinking glass, but a pot, made of strong, sturdy clay, with only a small opening at the top for it to be filled. what a wonderful thing to see the Potter hold it in His hands, pleased and proud, exited and captivated by what he so patiently waited for. He was patient. and waited. and now He is rejoicing in what they can share together.

how good He is, and how much do we not deserve His goodness. His patience. His love. 

the parallel between the potter and the clay to the Father and His child has been one that has taken a new meaning for me this year. it is far more than being directed. it is allowing Him to shape us. allowing Him to heal us. but the part that i am struck by most is how patiently He waits. how He waited for me. He let me take my course, and slowly revealed more parts of Himself, and my own heart, knowing what i could take, and what i couldn't. recognizing my heart as fragile and precious, He pursued me, and waited for me. 

but this isn't a circumstantial issue. it is our lifetime. a lifetime of a pursuit. a lifetime of a divine romance. i'm the luckiest girl alive. =]

Born to Fly.

I've been telling my dreams to the scarecrow

about the places that I'd like to see

I say, friend to you think i'll ever get there?

and he just stands there smilin' back at me

so i confessed my sins to the preacher

about the love i've been prayin' to find

is there a brown eyed boy in my future

and he says, girl you've got nothin but time

sarah evans. ive rediscovered my love for country music. especially when songs can help tell your story. 

in other news, apparently, pandas are repopulating in the woods of my backyard. i had a dream last night, where for some reason or another, i was running away from something, and ended up going into the woods to run away from it (perfectly nonsensical thing to do for a scary movie) and then when i got there, there were pandas everywhere. i mean everywhere! liek thousands of black and white furballs rolling around the pine needles and chewing on sticks, being protected by their superelhugo mommy panda bears which, when they saw me, began to charge at me, and then just out of no where, they poofed. when they got to close that is. all the babies were fine because they were very content just chewing on things like babies do. but the mommas-man watch out. but it was so weird! like i had this insanely good panda bear repellent. dreams are so awkward. i mean, i dont even remember the last time i saw a picture of a panda bear let alone a real one. 

classes are going great. and im discovering that this is what school and learning is supposed to be like! its not half as painful to listen in class when its about training your ear and understanding how to work with the entire ensebmle, or listening to performances and critiquing them. really. i loved penn state, but this is just so much more fun  =] so loryn way, you need to come into my ear training class for a period-then were even. i loathe economics, and then im pretty sure you'll loate eartraining. concerning classes- my schedule was slightly terrible for a while, but it's all fallen into place and i'm pretty stoked about it. i picked up principals of business management, so that ya know, in my ideal perfect life, i can open up my bakery/cafe with a stage in the corner, and studio in the basement, and let kids come in and get their feet wet in the studio. i mean, in some far away perfect alternative lifestyle. ;)

im going to take some pictures of mass ave this coming week, so you can see the "berklee beach". it's pretty crazy. and you cant walk down the street without seeing someone you know. everyone here is so social. well here as in berklee... bostonians on the other hand. i've decided they find it inapporopirate to smile in public. so in most scenarios, i stick out like a sore thumb. but, it's my mission everyday to brighten someone elses day, make then laugh, and in most cases, because its just the way my life naturally flows, it happens out of me doing something completely mindless and goofy, which wasnt even meant to be funny. eh-such is my life. =]

one of the friends that ive made since ive been here is a singer songwriter, with a really soulfull voice.... but he doesnt even go here. he lives in nashville. he is a friend of taras (my roomate) and we started video chatting and last night we wrote some stuff together. it sounds pretty sweet. acoustic guitar is by far my favorite. and its in almost every song i listen to, so performing at berklee makes things harder, because there are only pianos in the labs, but-that gives me a more well rounded education, right? sure. anyways-back to the song. its actually more of a prayer. which is how a lot of the stuff is i write.  it's to God. talking to Him. so anyways, it was the first time i really put my heart out there in my music, so im exited to see how it sounds. tara keeps bugging me to put up a music myspace.....so maybe ill get on that soon. =]

as for now, im gonna go run. and listen to sarah evans. because we have the same brain. 

loveyoubunchesbye!

my heart skipped a beat on more than one occasion today.

im sitting on my futon,

and my feet dont touch the ground.

it's not even a tall futon.

anyways-concerning my skipped heart beats and near death experiences.

today, i was painfully owned by Berklee and then it reedeemed itself, all in the same day. a one of a kind school i assure you. so, the first skipped heart beat was the result of a new course i am taking, or was taking rather. let me explain. i was told that this course was a "basic" guitar skills class for the non-guitarprincipal... well friends-an understatement to say the least. what it actually is is basic guitar performance  skills for the non-guitar principal. which means, all the kids taht are doing music business, songwriting, film scoring, what have you, but still play guitar. may i remind you that it's berklee, so naturally theyre all very experienced guitarists. and this class doesnt teach you guitar basics, it teaches you how to perform them. well, i checked out the class anyways, to see what it would be like, and when i got there asked the teacher what i could expect from teh course and what i should be able to do in order to do well, explaining to him my background (uhhh, i can play G? and the basics. but still. pretty much useless) and he sort of answered my question in that annoying round about way... and then class started. story isnt over. out of all people to continually call on in the class for answers....me. its like he was trying to kick me out of the class. not a very nice man. well, he was nice. which was weird. i debated making him cookies. and when i say debated i mean, it poppped up in my mind like one of those mole games. but remember, im good at beating inanimate objects, so i quickly pounded the cookie eating mole with my mallet. 

win.

with that said, im dropping guitar performance skilled, and hopefully picking up principals of business management. that is neat.

the second time my heart skipped a beat was outside of the 15o building today. i saw a kid with his guitar on his back (surprise surprise) and for a split second, it was phil wickham. then reality set in, and it wasnt. some strangely distant realative. but still. phil is the man.

the third time my heart skipped a beat i was inside the 150 building, and i saw that kid again.

one day. one day it really will be phil wickham. by the way, if you havent listened to his music yet, do it. his Singalong album is fantastic- he's best live. simply nothing, acoustic and vocals. thats all. brilliant, simple, worship. 

so, berklee owned me via GuitarPerfSkills, but toootally redeemed itself (name that movie plug. i'll send you a pixie stick) in my last class of the day- Background Singing. um, can i get a woopwoop for background singing!?!! and my teacher? ahem- his name is Jamale. and seriously awesome. we just grooved and talked, and he was really stoked to be working with us. it was just fun. a good ending to a semi annoying day. 

oh. i did however have another near hour conversation with someone today. it's relentless. but good. i dont' mind one bit of it. we talked about how he didnt understand how if no one has ever even heard of the name Jesus, how can they believe, and if He is the only way, how is that fair? these are the kinds of questions that our society asks aaallll the time, and i told him a few times throughout the conversation that i simply dont have all the answers for him. i'll continue to seek and learn, but i ask for your prayer. for myself, that the Lord would continually reveal to me the ways in which He sees things, and how I can then explain that to others. and most of all, please pray for all of the people here. the people that God has created are all so wonderful and unique, and i am so exited to get to know them. 

loveyoubunches=]

87 Days.

87 days until the Boston Marathon. im getting exited.

theres a countdown in a running shop across from the finish line on boylston that i pass every day. that ones for you daddy. =]

so remember that pop/rock/country lab i was so stoked about for today? yea, not so stoked anymore. turns out that its basically a performance class...which isn't so bad, but its a full out performance in front of only your class. which is 10 people. im not kidding. since i have been little, small groups and singing freak me out. they just always have. its more intimate, more seemingly judgemental. something i need to let go of, because they are my own ideas and inhibitions about the situation. but at any rate, i am required (for this class) to prepare and memorize a pop/rock/country piece every week, with sheet music for the pianist. it's like mini-american idol. oh Heaven help me. it just seems so different for me becuase all eyes are on me, and on the song.... it's so different than what i am used to, and what i want to do. but even in CCM i'll need to balance performance with worship.... but i know that it will be great experience for me. Berklee is going to do that in so many ways for me...prepare me and make me a much better musician all around, which is why im here. wow anna, way to state the obvious.........

my vocal lesson was great. ive only taken 6 lessons before coming here, and they were in the summer. she was a great teacher, and i learned a lot in just those 6 sessions. my vocal coach this semester is super nice. i sang At Last by Etta James for her just so she would get to know how my voice was. i had never sang it before then, but it was fun, and went pretty smoothly considering. its encouraging to know that everyone here is here for music. and when im on the 3rd floor of the 1140 building, everyone is pretty much there for voice. i feel like i can let loose a little more, because everyone else is doing the same thing. its pretty neat if i do say so myself.

last night, i had yet another opportunity to talk about faith with someone. my roomate and i had a friend come over for a movie night. we watched across the universe, which was very good by the way, and then afterwards, i dont even know how it came up, but we started talking about faith and why he(our friend) decided that he could call himself agnostic more than anything really. at first he said he was catholic. then jewish. i was confused. but he said something that really struck me. he said that he wasnt sure of an afterlife, and in all honesty, didnt care that much. so in that case, whatever choices he was presented with here on earth, he was going to choose whatever it was that made him happy.... my heart just broke when he said that! throughout our entire conversation i was just asking for wisdom, and for the Lord to place words into my mouth to say to him, but in the end i just told him very simply what i stood for, in and inviting and loving way. we both agreed on some things, like how the division of Christianity is sort of annoying, but in all reality, if you know who God is, know He died to save your life, loves you, and you love Him??? then i'm a pretty happy camper, and we can discuss the other things. 

but if you think of my friend pray. all of my friends really. but i get along really well with this kid, and the deep conversation started so quickly, so i know that we can talk more. i dont want to "convert" anyone. that's not what my life is about. i want to love them, and through that i want them to discover that there really is something bigger and better than the things here, which i too have very much experienced,  only bring empty living. so it sounds sort of flowerchildish, with all my love talk, but just pray for a softening of hearts here. and continual experiences like those of last night. i am only close with one Christian girl here (who is completely awesome and her placing in my life is 100% by the hand of God, but i'll talk about her later =] ) my enitre life as it is right now is a complete and total, very obvious, mission field.  i am so exited of how my Jesus is using me. and so exited for what He has in store for His people here. pray for the lost. 

loveyoubunches =]

Rock N Roll.

if he wants to rock he rocks

if he wants to roll he rolls

he can roll with the punches 

long as he feels like he's in control

if he wants to stay he stays

if he wants to go he goes

he doesnt care how he gets there

long as he gets somewhere he knows.

eric hutchinson. boom. outta here.

so. i have been very spoiled. there is a gym in the very next building to mine, so i am very quickly becoming friends with the guys at the front desk..because i go a lot. i may or may not loose it if i didnt exercise. dont believe me? have you seen my "dance pants" video on facebook? that my friends is the fine, fine product of Anna deprived of running for a long amount of time. ahem-back to subject. i woke up early this morning to go running, and as i was running, about halfway through a man wearing a blue shirt came into my peripheral vision. i just kept running, listening to Merideth Andrew's new album, but was very quickly distracted. this guy, my inspiration for the day, and probably a constant reminder in my life, was blind. blind. first of all, kudos to him for working out. second, he's blind, and making his way to an arc trainer machine himself--he's in a gym, without anyone to explain things to him,, the only thing he has with him is his stick. i watched him pass in front of me, his right hand sliding over the right side of one machine, then the left, right, left, right left, until he finally found the machine he wanted to use, and folded up his stick. at that point i began to look ahead again and thought about it for a while, admiring his diligence, and then went back into my zone. a few minutes later, he got off of his machine, pulled out his stick (im sorry if there is an actual name for them... im just ignorant.) and walked past me, making his way to the paper towels and sanatizers. 

this is where God swooped in, in all His gentle mysteriousness and creativity, and opened my eyes. i am an extreeeemely visional person, so i know, without a doubt, that He places things in my life, both in my mind and my daily occurences, to help make sense of things. 

i watched the red pole wave left to right as he moved forward, and i was in awe. he has complete and total faith in it. he walks boldly. he trusts himself with the end of that stick. and if it should come in contact with some sort of object in front of him, hes warned, and slows down, and moves out of the way. the whole analogy of the faith of a blind man became so much more real to me. imagine if we truly lived our lives with the faith of a blind man. like our Father was the end of that pole, always guiding, looking out, protecting, steering us in the right and wrong directions, and we walked very boldly, completely trusting, behind it. now imagine if the blind man held his walking stick by his side, and continued to walk. how would he know where to go? how would he know what to avoid? how could he be protected? i think that this is an insanely simple, yet perfect analogy of how we try to live our lives. Jesus is at the end of the pole, being our fearless leader, and we are trying to be right next to Him. how does that make any sense whatsoever? we're only going to cause ourselves a lot of hurt, and a lot of confusion. what if we truly had the faith of a blind man, and werent in control, and werent sure we knew of where we were going? i just love the fact that i am a visual learner-its makes for insanely instructive people watching.

as for school--its a pretty unreal experience. Berklee is located (mainly) on Massachusetts Ave. there are a few other buildings, with a group of them on the very next block on the intersecting street. the entire section of massave on this block is overflowing with skinny jeans, thick rimmed glasses, emo/urban hats, starbucks cups, guitars on backs, and truth be told, a lot-ALOT of cigarettes. Berklee totally dominates this section of Boston. it's like pollock or curtain road. except every single person is a musician. it's the coolest experience. as for my classes? the ones i've had so far are probably some of the most dry i'll have while im here, but i am still so iterested! for some of these kids, im sure they're hating it because they've already learned most of it. for me...well liek i said, in all actuallity, im musically retarded. so far i've had writing skills (which is just a class on how to actually write music, which i already know a lot of, but i'm still learning more.) ear training one, and harmony one--which will be extremely influential classes for me, so im pretty stoked to take them. i have intro to music tech tomorrow, my vocal lesson, and writing skills again. on friday i have my pop/rock/country lab, which i am so so stoked about, and then on monday, amongst other classes, im starting my ensemble with my friend tara from santa barbra--that is neat=]

also-im trying to find a way to work as a volunteer at the childrens hospital down the stree. so if you think of it pray---i have this vision of using the friends i have here at Berklee to play music for the kids there. if all i can do it chill with them, watch cartoons or do crafts, thats cool too. but as far as i know, there arent any programs that Berklee has which do that, and i think that music is something that they would just love. music is a relational business.

wonderful isn't it?