Capture My Heart Again.

I'm not gonna fight you anymore
Not gonna try to lock the door
You took your life and gave me yours
There's no reason why
I shouldn't trust you with mine

Brandon Heath.

refreshing. apparently a theme God wants me to hold onto for a little while. but this time, it's in an entirely new way. im home. =] sitting on my couch, coffee to my right as always, listening to The Message radio station blair through my television. I'm reading a book right now called Redeeming Love. the plot is pretty extreme, but i feel like i can really relate to the entire idea of the book. the husband never ceases to give up on his wife. he continues to go back and get her. she turns her back on him multiple times, and he pulls her in close. it's hard and hes really frustrated. but he does it. and he relies on God's strength to do so.

i feel like where im at in my life, God keeps having to come back to get me. on sunday, i had what i would call "a God day". He was painfully obvious at what He wanted me to hear. so why do i keep running? i know what i have to do, so it should be easy right? no. why isnt it? God keeps saving me from jumping off the cliff. i just need to turn around and walk the other direction. we are so tied to our own independence. a lesson from my one of my favorite books. how often do we show our Father, our Friend, our Savior, Redeemer, that we think we can do things on our own, that we don't need Him. even when in our own minds, it isnt like that, it's what our actions say. 

i'm so glad it's break. i realized coming home the lack of community i really do have in boston, and the toll its taking on my Spirit. again, it comes back to being tied much too tightly to my independence. so although this week is a time for refreshing, im now seeing it as a time of a time of surrender, and even more so, submission.

I love You, Jesus.