High School.

High school and my high school friends have really been on my heart today. I'm not sure why, but i've been taking it and just praying for them. It's sort of strange, well, a lot strange, because i sort of hated high school. I couldn't wait to get out-people were great, class wasn't hard, but i was just over it before it started ha. At any rate, i've been thinking about it, and Penn State, and just the whole life i could have had. And then i think about what the Lord has done in my life over the past two years. It's pretty unreal, how much and how quickly, He has taken what ever simple prayer of guidance and surrender i had, and turned into something real. I was thinking, i really, reeeally like being the girl who comes home from music school. But not even that anymore, i actualy have songs to play, music ive written- I'm finally doing what i was made for. I'm writing a new song, and it starts like this -I've always been a dreamer, 5 foot 2 believer. And honestly, it couldnt be more honest. its sort of a fun cheesy lyric, but its true! i've always been an out-of-boxer, a star shooter, a dreamer. but i ignored it for so long, becuase i didnt think it was right.

who trys to be a musican?

do you know how slim that is?

youre not living in the real world.

be practical.

you arent actually that good.

you wont make it.

do you want to make money?

you must just be selfish.

its a silly dream.

from the probably the age of 10 until my freshman year of college, this was a never ending battle in my mind. (when i say things like that the fact that i am still so young makes me cringe a little. sort of like an odd way of humbling myself-ha) the thing i thought aboust most was that it was just a silly dream, and it wasnt practical. i felt insecure because i thought it was a self seeking desire. but we know, through a lot of pulling and pushing, God showed me otherwise.

My point is, dreamers are necessary. DREAMS are necessary. For every human being God ever breathed life into, there is something that gets their hearts exited. Something that afterward, the feel as if they've lived that day right. For some people its like knowing their whole life that they wanted to marry early, and have kids, and that was the desire of their heart. for others, they knew early on that they wanted to help people. for some people, they've had a dream of owning one of the biggest companies in America. For me, a big dreamer, ive known that all i ever wanted to do was make music. I'm smiling at myself as i type this. I honestly can't explain how deep this desire runs through me. I remember taking tests in high school, looking at the paper, maybe knowing the answers, maybe not, and thinking, well, "this is nice now, but in the long run, i'm going to be making music". Ask anyone in my high school, most of them probably would tell you that they didn't even know I sang. Over summer break, i was looking through my old journals, some from when i was in elementary school, and in almost every entry, if i wasnt freeking out over some boy, i talked about my dreams. i even wrote terrible pop songs. at ten years old! It made me smile :) It was one of God's ways of confirming the desires of my heart i suppose. I like when He does that, He's my Friend :)

I say all of this because of a conversation I had with my friend at work today. Which, if you think of it, pray for opportunities for me to talk to them. Really talk to them. It's become my "mission field" more so than Berklee. They are an incredible group of people that i just love, and i really want to get to know them. But my friend is at BU, and a NeuroScience major and a Psychology minor. I asked him what he wanted to do, also chiming in that i assumed he wanted to work with people, and he looked at me and said, "You know, i dont know." I wasnt' really suprised i guess, a lot of college kids dont know what they want to do, i've been a lucky one. I waited for a little while and then i just told him this---- What gets your heart pumping? What's something you get life out of? What do you love? Do that. --- i think sometimes, as college students, we start thinking entirely too much in a career oriented field and not a God one. I think we're all too often closed minded. Let's change that. For all of my ACF friends struggling with direction, keep an open mind to the heart and mind of the One who hold its all. Search for your passions, and then see how they can be developed, moved, used. God gave you your hearts with your minds for a reason, and your passions and dreams for a purpose. - and He let's us figure out how it all goes together.

Have fun. :)

loveyoubunches!!

Anna :)