Sunday, February 22, 2009

Faith My Eyes.


So keep'em coming these lines on the road
And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load
And keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise
and I'll walk with grace with my feet and Faith My Eyes.

Caedman's Call.
who woulda thought?

surveying the past two or three weeks of my life has been enlightening. i learned a very valuable lesson last week, about bitterness. its such a scary sin. because for the most part, it's sneaky. it comes in the night, and plants itself securely in between issues, scars, memories, dreams, anything, and sets a seed firmly in the ground. it slowly grows, but is covered by all of the other inhabitants of the garden of your heart, so you rarely ever realize that it is gaining such a big foothold on your life. it is small and innocent on the outside, sprouting just like all of the other flowers in your garden. but if we look further, if we look underneath, in the soil, in the dirt, we can see that there is one plant, who's roots have become so large and so powerful, that they are beginning to govern the whole garden. its strong and violent, pulling out roots and destroying the beauty and innocence of what the garden has become. it's tearing it apart, until finally, the actions of this powerful root begin to take it's toll on the surface. it blooms less, it looses it's vibrant colors. it begins to surrender. but all the while there is a new plant that's boldly surfaced in the midst of all of this. it is strong, tall, and no longer a plant but a tree, with perfectly pink and white flowers, blowing prettily in the wind. how can this tree of beauty on the surface cause so much havoc underneath? it is a perfectly innocent disguise. bitterness. 

theres a RelientK song that has the line "but the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." my brother reminded me of this this week, and it became so much more real to me. no matter how much someone has hurt you, no matter how much you feel wronged by them, being angry at them will never make them realize what they did to you--in my particular situation. the bitterness which i was harvesting in my heart was keeping me from discovering the freedom which God has designed for me. my bitterness kept me from moving on in a sense. and even scarrier, it started to govern some of my decisions. such a scary place to be. but what freedom we find in Jesus. i can't tell you how many times i've heard this message. but the truth is, we are blinded by it, so we can't ever hear it enough.

in other news, the Father never ceases to tap on the doors of my heart and whisper to me. i'm finding myself being called back to a place of Faith. to truly live in the words of Jeremiah 29:11. to stand on the edge of the boat, and walk off, onto the water, and keep my gaze fixed upon the beauty before me. this is a perfect picture of my life last year. this time however, being called back to a place of Faith hasnt been so much about stepping off the boat. instead, theres a giant mountain before me. and there is so much uncertainty, so many variables, so much literal hard work to get to it. and i'm scarred out of my wits, and unable to see how things could possibly come together to get me to the top. and then Jesus says, "I'm Here." and even through my timid and doubting spirit, i know that God is bigger, and that His plan is perfect, and prosperous, hopeful, and fulfilling. 

also, i saw 4 blind men on friday...........

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