Just a little bit.

so. i have a lot of work to do still but i just needed to say this.

an assignment that i have for thursday is to write a song in garage band... um awesome. secondly, im doing my harmony homework right now, and basically we're just disecting "Waiting on the World to Change" by John Mayer. 

be jealous of how cool my school is.

loveyoubunchesbye!!

=]

Faith My Eyes.

So keep'em coming these lines on the road

And keep me responsible be it a light or heavy load

And keep me guessing with these blessings in disguise

and I'll walk with grace with my feet and Faith My Eyes.

Caedman's Call.

who woulda thought?

surveying the past two or three weeks of my life has been enlightening. i learned a very valuable lesson last week, about bitterness. its such a scary sin. because for the most part, it's sneaky. it comes in the night, and plants itself securely in between issues, scars, memories, dreams, anything, and sets a seed firmly in the ground. it slowly grows, but is covered by all of the other inhabitants of the garden of your heart, so you rarely ever realize that it is gaining such a big foothold on your life. it is small and innocent on the outside, sprouting just like all of the other flowers in your garden. but if we look further, if we look underneath, in the soil, in the dirt, we can see that there is one plant, who's roots have become so large and so powerful, that they are beginning to govern the whole garden. its strong and violent, pulling out roots and destroying the beauty and innocence of what the garden has become. it's tearing it apart, until finally, the actions of this powerful root begin to take it's toll on the surface. it blooms less, it looses it's vibrant colors. it begins to surrender. but all the while there is a new plant that's boldly surfaced in the midst of all of this. it is strong, tall, and no longer a plant but a tree, with perfectly pink and white flowers, blowing prettily in the wind. how can this tree of beauty on the surface cause so much havoc underneath? it is a perfectly innocent disguise. bitterness. 

theres a RelientK song that has the line "but the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." my brother reminded me of this this week, and it became so much more real to me. no matter how much someone has hurt you, no matter how much you feel wronged by them, being angry at them will never make them realize what they did to you--in my particular situation. the bitterness which i was harvesting in my heart was keeping me from discovering the freedom which God has designed for me. my bitterness kept me from moving on in a sense. and even scarrier, it started to govern some of my decisions. such a scary place to be. but what freedom we find in Jesus. i can't tell you how many times i've heard this message. but the truth is, we are blinded by it, so we can't ever hear it enough.

in other news, the Father never ceases to tap on the doors of my heart and whisper to me. i'm finding myself being called back to a place of Faith. to truly live in the words of Jeremiah 29:11. to stand on the edge of the boat, and walk off, onto the water, and keep my gaze fixed upon the beauty before me. this is a perfect picture of my life last year. this time however, being called back to a place of Faith hasnt been so much about stepping off the boat. instead, theres a giant mountain before me. and there is so much uncertainty, so many variables, so much literal hard work to get to it. and i'm scarred out of my wits, and unable to see how things could possibly come together to get me to the top. and then Jesus says, "I'm Here." and even through my timid and doubting spirit, i know that God is bigger, and that His plan is perfect, and prosperous, hopeful, and fulfilling. 

also, i saw 4 blind men on friday...........

Really? Really. That just happened? That just happened.

sometimes life comes in and hits you hard with  a giant mallet that says "hey, bet you didn't see me coming." and it's smiling and laughing all the while, mocking your foolishness.

such.is.my.life.

i cant decide what i want to do. freak out, yell, hit, be violent, be extremely immature--OR--walk away, twist my head to the side, with my hand in the air and say "talk to it." either option is terrible. the first, well thats just a really bad way to handle it. but the second option gives me absolutely no closure, and leaves the cause for the foolishness permanently engraved on my heart.  my advice, dont ever walk through the gates of that land until you're prepared to live in them for the rest of eternity. it's not better to have loved than to never have loved at all. just save it. wait until the pathway of your life and the fairytale kingdom coincide. dont run ahead to find it. you'll just get lost. oh the predicaments of life, love, and lost fairytale lands.

ergo, today was a day full of guitar and writing, continually refilled mugs of coffee, and large bottles of Pellegrino. i have a ton of work to be doing too. but when somethings on my mind, really really on my mind, theres no way im getting work done. so i channel it into something else. hence a day full of writing. today i completly finished up a song about Jesus, the man. it's always boggled my mind, the idea of the trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, but even more so, the idea of Jesus as a boy. There was a young boy behind me in church today, between 1 and 2, and he had very obviously recently mastered his parent names. so all throughout the service i heard a small high voice repeating over and over...mama, dadada, mama, dada... it was wonderful. i thought of the idea of Jesus as a boy yesterday, and i wondered what it would be like. especially from marys point of view. as a mother, when He fell down and scraped His knee, did He yell for her? did she run to His side? what did His laugh sound like, and how did it change from a small giggle to a deep roll of laughter of the carpenter He became. to think that He was the perfect man, fully God, and fully man. it's a really strange concept, and makes my mind run in circles. but at any rate, the song is pretty neat. and ive discovered that i am deeply in like with sus chords, i think they make the best songwriting companions. 

welp, i think ill go play some more. and then actually do work. 

loveyoubunches! 

best.day.ever.

so yesterday was they type of day that i live for.

high of 57.

light breeze.

blue sky.

sunny.

everyone was happy in class. 

and i had the second best run, in all my running history. Boston is a beautiful city. it was my first run outside, in Boston, because it's been so cold. and oh my goodness. i could have run for 2 more hours. i went into auto pilot mode instantaeously and took in ever single moment in teh common. well, i started out in the common, and then crossed over to another section of the park, not completely sure if its still the common, and then i went onto the streets, the nonbusy, nonpeople infested streets. can also be known as one of the nicer parts of boston? oh goodness. i ran around Beacon, which if you come visit me, we are going to. it's a beautiful street. and then i ran up this hill on walnut, which intersected with chestnut i believe... it was just gorgeous. i did however, stop and do the whole running place thing a few times to take some pictures for you to see=] i like running with my phone. makes for good documentation.

oh, also oh my run, i saw just a plethora of children. so cute. however, there was one little boy that i saw, and im wondering if my mom instincts were maybe just a little too much for the situation, and i should just cool it..? heres the deal. there were two young moms, and their kids, each with one, i think one girl and then the other was a boy. well the mom, perfectly put together, brunette hair, pulled back in a low pony tail, and a sharp green peacoat was holding her sons hand, and then let go as he proceeded to step into a puddle, and wash his hands. she just watched him. he just splashed his hands in the cold brown water, and she just watched him, with a small grin. ahem. i know as a parent you have to pick and choose your battles, but this to me was a very clear line. you dont let your kids play in puddles in public parks with who knows how many dogs i had seen in just that 5 minutes, not to mention that its cold season and almost everyone in Boston has some sort of something. so, for parents out there, please tell me if im wrong. maybe i should loosen up, i mean, with all the kids i have. cuz im married. and have a fiance, boyfriend. and a...... oh wait. i may or may not be getting ahead of myself. ;)

to add more to the best day, because it was beautiful and i had a brilliant run, i got to make dinner and the whole apartment smelled like it for hours. =] so when tara got home it smelled like dinner time. and then i happily did laundry, went grocery shopping, served my friend dinner, worked on some worship music, and then video chatted with a friend for 2 and a half hours because Macs are the best. and i am planning on making cookies today. =] should i achieve like, ultimate nerd status for actually enjoying these things?? im very much ok with sitting on that throne. 

in other news, ive discovered a new like for croissants. like, um, really, they are so good. i got some yesterday at the store, and am obviously eating one now, which is where the relevancy comes from. see. nothing i say is ever really random. you just dont hear the whole thought process. =]

theres an open mic night this saturday, and my friend and i wrote/arewriting this song called baby blues (his girlfriend has blue eyes, naturally........) i wrote the verses and he does the chorus, and then we sing those same parts, with a sort of echo. its so cute. when he played it, the first thing i thought of was the beach, my toes in the sand, looking at where the sun and the water meet together on the horizon, and feeling the breeze run through every part of me. (i really want the beach) so anyway, the song is really fun, and fresh, and it talks about how that one person makes you feel gitty, and awkward, and you get butterflies, and tongue tied.... just the newness of a relationship and being happiest to just be. it makes me happy to think about=]

loveyoubunchesbye!

grande non-fat chai. yes please.

im sitting on my futon, drinking my grande non-fat chai, and eating a croissant, and listening to Joshua Radin. really, it can't get much more chill. 

yet again i am here to tell you that i am putting off homework.... i dont mind it once i start, i actually enjoy it. but heres the snag. i cant listen to other music when im doing it, because it requires all of my inner ear. 

so with that, im going to actually go do work. if you would like to show me how to properly notate 32notes, please, feel free.

Under Summer Sun.

dude, Matt Wertz is the man. i was supposed to go see him last night, but due to the internets incapable communication skills, i got the whole way there to find that it was sold out. lamesausages. he has a song called "Waiting" which is is pretty much about how he's waiting to find her, whoever she may be. i would like to take this time to say, "Matt. I'm right here. And we should jam sometime." alright, done. 

but at any rate, he's so good. acoustic/pop/rock is so good. 

now. something ive been so wanting to say. well... actually, if i took that sentence and really embraced all that it is, both you and i may or may not be sitting here for the rest of eternity. so. i'll just say this. i really like songwriting. im not so hot at it yet, but it's such a wonderful, creative blessing. i write about whatever my heart wants to speak of. like one song, which is probably my favorite, is to Jesus, and is about how He waits for me, how He pulls me in and dances with me, how he captivates me. another awesome thing about songwriting is that i can tell someone a story, or send somone a message, or have a conversation that was never had, but needed to be,  all through a few simple chord progressions and strikingly blunt lyrics. i wrote a song on thursday night. the whole thing. jsut did it. i was so fired up. i have something i need to tell someone-he needs to know. and boy oh boy, am i exited to see his face when he hears it. a lot of unsaid words. a lot of unrecognized hurt. a lot, a lot of a complete lack of  awareness for anyone. man oh man. boom. outta here.

so with that said, ive been playing and procrastinating all day.... not wanting to do homework. but i think i should at least get sooooomething done before 830. taylor swifts new video is premiering, so im gonna watch that. yup, thats pretty much the only activity penciled in my calendar for today- a 4 minute video premiere on CMT. i dont even watch CMT. but its been super chill. and im sorta sick. but i thawed out some soup. and it was tastey. 

also, it should be known that i was dancing very badly, but proudly all by myself in my kitchen for a good while today. "The Way I Feel" by Matt Wertz just makes me wanna dance. 

welp, thas what i got. thanks for putting up with randomness. 

loveyoubunchesbye! =]

i'll forever be a four year old.

im so stoked for the day. just because it's another day.

yesterday morning, i started out my day by waking up early to go for a run (inside mind you, because it was 9 degrees out). it was a short-run day, so those are always nice. runs in the morning usually start my day off well. especially when it gets nicer, when winter mixes with spring, and the sun begins to gradually come up earlier, and earlier, and the entire run is a new exploration of God's beauty. i have a very specific memory from a run last spring, probably late march or early april. i got up at 645am, brushed my teeth (because im insanely particular about making it the first thing i do when i get up) put on my white fleece, headphones in, and started off toward University drive listening to some acoustic pop goodness thanks to Bethany Dillon. i ran out towards the airport, running up and around the hills by the farms, waving to the cows like i always do, and as i was nearing the crescent of a hill, "Let Your Light Shine" came on, and the new bright sun poked out from the top of it, shining all of it's white and gold goodness over all of creation. it was a perfect placing of the elements. it was like God was saying, "Here I Am. Let's run together." so, naturally, i obliged. ;) 

i had a similar moment yesterday morning after my run, as i was heading to school. to give my self more time, i take the T to school in the morning , which is Boston's version of the Subway. i waited in the station for the next train to come, and as i saw two light emerging from the tunnel, i noticed that this train was one of the most full id ever seen. it was unreal. everyone pressed against the glass and the doors, everyone way to close for comfort. anyways, i was dreading getting on, because i jsut didn't want to be all up in a strangers face that early in the morning. ive had some experiences. like monday for example. i was sitting, and a boy got on right after me, stood directly in front of me, and his fly was down. it was the most impossible thing to not burst out laughing. and i laugh a lot. and loudly. i should get an award for my composure. i kept smiling and burying my face in my scarf....but anyways, back to yesterday.

the train came to a stop and i noticed that there were some people getting off in the very first car of the train, right next to the driver. i stepped on, and stood on the stairs, holding the rail to my right, and peeped my head out over the wall to my right to look out the windshield. i thought that i should entertain my brain for a little while, at least for these 6 minutes. the driver looked out her mirrors, closed the doors and we slowly pulled away. i kept my gaze fixed straight ahead, peering down the tunnel, watching the other trains pass to my left, and turn out of sight. i would have love to have seen the simple wonder in my eyes in this moment. i have never felt like more of a child then in that moment. those moments when your a little girl, or boy, and you just take it all in. your first plane ride. your first trip to the zoo. the first time you see your baby sister. your first train ride. i couldn't believe the joy i was getting out of watching the train move faster and faster down the tunnel! i wasnt a 20 year old music student, i was a four year old toddler, on her first train ride, not wanting it to end. i wanted to catch up with the track ahead of me, zoom down the tunnel and discover what was surprises it had. it was such a Jesus thing. He wanted to share it with me.  He knows my heart better than anyone. He knows that i like the little things. He knows the things that will make me happy even when i dont. like this train ride. i am filled with joy just thinking about it.

mornings are one of my favorite things. and today, ive started out things on another wonderfully high note. in my apartment building, we get free coffee and food from starbucks. free coffee fridays are their title now. so naturally getting out of bed wasn't so hard today;)

i hope that you will be able to experience moments of being a child like i did the other day. jsut be with Him. He'll captivate you. body, mind, and soul. 

loveyoubunches!

Anna=]

Fears and Romances, Gentle Hands and Slowdances.

what a beautiful picture-a romance with Jesus. it's such a strange concept to understand. mostly because its something that is felt, not so much explained. but how wonderful it is to know that He desires us. He desires us. to feel it. to see a broken glass, that was once flawless and filled, overflowing even, be patiently picked up, and carefully and gently put back together with gentle hands. to see the glass put together, but still cracked, become sealed and smooth by His hands. to see restoration. to see the glass become strong, refillable, and now, it has become something stronger than just a mere drinking glass, but a pot, made of strong, sturdy clay, with only a small opening at the top for it to be filled. what a wonderful thing to see the Potter hold it in His hands, pleased and proud, exited and captivated by what he so patiently waited for. He was patient. and waited. and now He is rejoicing in what they can share together.

how good He is, and how much do we not deserve His goodness. His patience. His love. 

the parallel between the potter and the clay to the Father and His child has been one that has taken a new meaning for me this year. it is far more than being directed. it is allowing Him to shape us. allowing Him to heal us. but the part that i am struck by most is how patiently He waits. how He waited for me. He let me take my course, and slowly revealed more parts of Himself, and my own heart, knowing what i could take, and what i couldn't. recognizing my heart as fragile and precious, He pursued me, and waited for me. 

but this isn't a circumstantial issue. it is our lifetime. a lifetime of a pursuit. a lifetime of a divine romance. i'm the luckiest girl alive. =]